Cold

I'm home in bed with a cold & a nagging headache, and would probably be better off shutting this laptop down and going back to sleep. In a little while. Meanwhile, I scan the tracking polls and see the race for the White House essentially even. This is interesting in itself - whoever wins cannot (although I suspect they will) pretend to lead a united country. There is too much bad feeling, and altogether too much fear, for people to happily shrug their shoulders and return to normality. At least that is what I judge. Whoever wins is also going to have to cope with the whirlwind of misfortune that has been stirred up over the past four years, and that will be an overwhelming task.

But at heart I remain optimistic. I view what has happened to America over the past three years as a necessary peeling away of a mentality of smugly cocooned superiority. The initial reactions have been very much in that vein - overwhelming force used to crush 3rd world countries. But the results have shown once again that overwhelming force is meaningless unless you win the hearts of those you oppose and conquer. That lesson has yet to be learned, but it will be. As others have said, you cannot impose freedom - and you most certainly cannot impose a Christian evangelist & materialist culture upon a society rooted in a fundamental religion as powerful, and as opposed to Christianity, as Islam.

It's America's insularity - and that insularity is built into the current Republican administration, but is really nationwide and beyond party - that is both its strength and weakness. It confers a formidable self-confidence that allows simple-minded thinking to flourish and even seem wise. Under some circumstances, it is even wise in reality. But the same insularity ill prepares the country for blows against it. Instead of seeing things for what they are, events lose proportion and take mythological aspects. Hence the frequent equation of the World Trade Center attack with Pearl Harbor - the isolated and probably unrepeatable fluke assault of a few suicidal and dedicated individuals is inflated to the same level of importance of the first single instance of a widespread and formidable attack by an entire nation. It is obvious that they are of vastly different degrees of importance and significance, yet today we are fighting a 'war' that has led to the overthrow of two sovereign governments, coincidently in two countries that are renowned throughout the history of civilization as two of the most resilient to occupation, with absolutely no way of knowing whether the actual perpetrators of the World Trade crime have been destroyed. Meanwhile, the nihilist ideals of the World Trade bombers are free to circulate among a vastly larger and more receptive pool of recruits than would have existed without the invasion of Iraq.

So I anticipate that there will be further attacks on the American homeland, probably of far less overall destructiveness - whoever wins this election - and they will lead to further societal upheaval, polarization and hostility. Then, with time and with the understanding that reality brings, those negative forces will moderate and America will finally begin to realize that is no longer a privileged stone castle built safely on a tor rising above the rest of the world, and will come down with the same crash that has brought down all prior dominant cultures. It will be a rocky ride.

Piano Sonata No. 21 in B flat major, D960

Makes a suitable soundtrack to this evening's debate which I cannot watch because hearing George Bush makes me feel ill. Better to listen to the sublime.

Continued relief

I have been feeling notably happier since the debate, more so than I expected. Seeking to understand why, I think the crucial element was witnessing Bush being pummeled for the results of his own actions. Too often, I have sensed a terrible 'with-us or against-us' mentality developing in this country. A mentality that has stifled free speech, allowed authoritarian elements to gain ground, and placed free-thinkers in a difficult position. But seeing Kerry hammer Bush in a nationwide-broadcast forum gave me a sense that it is OK to disagree with him, and not feel a social outcast for doing so. In other words, I am not alone! If Kerry achieves no more than that, he has already done good by me.

Phew!

Well Kerry did well. It is refreshing to hear a person in a position of power - and seeking more - bluntly confront Bush with his own record of error, stubborness and deception. Whether it will change anyone's mind is another matter, but at least I can feel a breath of clean air.

O Canada!

My wife asked me, as I mounted my bicycle before setting off to work, whether I would like to move to Canada if George Bush wins the election. Found myself humming 'O Canada' on the way in, and rather astonishingly realizing that I would have far fewer qualms about becoming a Canadian citizen that I would about becoming a U.S. - something I have never done despite 25 years of residence here. Now if Kerry wins...well, that might be another story because I would believe that people like me really do have a voice in the political life of what I can only judge currently to be an increasingly insular, uneducated, xenophobic and intolerant country. Tonight is the first Presidential debate - I have horrible fears that Bush will crush Kerry and seal his victory.

Kerry finds a voice

Thank God that John Kerry seems to be pulling himself out of shadowland and doing some straight talking concerning the Iraq debacle. Why did he not do this earlier - much earlier? He's going to get clobbered by the Bush MiniTru team waffling on about his changing message (which has not changed at all - unlike Bush he is capable of analyzing an issue), and I fear that unthinking folk might fall for the Bush flim-flam. But at least he got his own supporters energized for once. Maybe the fabled Kerry fighting spirit is surfacing. I hope so.

Soapboxes

My favourite rants include fundamentalists of all types who clearly embrace death more than life, Bush (such a good rant subject!), corporate culture & perfidy, people who refuse to face up to and do something about their mental health problems, and over-competitiveness. But I don't actually feel like preaching today - I'll just leave it as a list!

Glory Be

I am having a musical day today. Now am engrossed by Robert Simpsons' 9th String Quartet - a set of 32 variations and fugue on a palindromic theme from Haydn's Piano Sonata No. 41 (also used in his Symphony No. 47). A wonderful work, this is, full of invention and feeling. Variations have always been a favourite compositional technique for me, starting with a love for Schoenberg's 'Variations For Orchestra', and taking in the 'Enigma', 'Goldberg', 'Diabelli' and Haydn's own Piano Variations in F minor amongst many others.

Stress

A validating New York Times article, read while listening to Easley Blackwood's extremely unstressful 3rd string quartet. Nice quote at the end -

Career consultants tell clients to examine the degree to which they themselves are the ones cracking the whip.

"Consider the possibility that you are colluding in your own demise," said Rayona Sharpnack, founder of the Institute for Women's Leadership in Redwood City, Calif. "Suffering," she said, "is optional."

Couldn't agree more. It is not necessary to throw your life away chasing empty materialist dreams - or to use work to shield yourself from facing up to your emotional obligations to yourself, family and friends.

Easley Blackwood

Perkins' "Caprice" was dedicated to and performed by Easley Blackwood, and that is one of the recordings that I was able to transcribe. A powerful 12-tone composition for piano that I found highly attractive. Blackwood himself has been a far more prolific composer - even if he is not exactly a household name - and my friend has lent me some of his commercial recordings. Not listened to yet - that pleasure awaits!

Transcribing John Perkins

Through a rather remarkable series of events involving a ruptured blood vessel, a house in need of extensive cleaning, and the intervention of the woman (a very good friend) who lives with John Perkins' ex-wife, I have had the pleasure of transcribing a number of Perkins' private recordings onto CD. From cassette tape, recordings of rather variable sound quality, but all of excellent artistic value. Considering John Perkins has been established as a composer and professor of music at Washington University for some decades now, it's really sad that there is so little music either composed or recorded. Almost none commercially recorded. It's a shame - he is a great composer.

I absently followed 'The Inquirer' mystery link today and found Troutgirl. The poor woman has just been sacked for 'blogging', although I sense rather more is going on behind the scenes (doesn't it always?). She seems bright and intelligent and will doubtless find another post soon enough, but the pain she felt in such outright rejection comes through loud and clear. Clearly a devoted 'team' player - she's probably finding out just how ephemeral and shallow so many of these corporate structures are. I am very glad I work in an environment that is about as 'real' as one can get in the work world. But I felt sad for Troutgirl.

Hmmm... Seems this little story has caused quite a stir. Found out enough to realise that Troutgirl is not going to want for a job. Looks like a small PR disaster for Friendster, mind. I joined Friendster a while ago - never followed up on it at all. I shall remain happily friendsterless.

Feeling extra contented

Perhaps because it was not my bicycle that was stolen this morning, but my wife's - and that was a bummer. But more likely, simply because I feel at ease and perfectly happy with the moment as it is. It's a very smooth work day, with everything moving along at the right pace - but this is normal for here. Upset and stress are rare occurences, I am happy to say. Plus all those lovely little computer add-ons have arrived at home, been installed, and are working perfectly and to all expectations.

None of this makes for great drama does it? It much more exciting to write about disasters and pitfalls, grudges and hurts, woes and sorrows! Certainly more exciting to read about them.

Tired

The first week back at week after a long vacation is always draggy and this one was no exception. Add to that a particularly muggy hot and humid weather pattern, and the result is one very sleepy me. Aside from that, all is well - it's Friday night, I gathered and bought enough new bits to build a new computer over the weekend, finally with a DVD writer, and treated myself to the complete Emma Peel Avengers DVD set as a slightly late birthday present. With a new nVidia 6800 GT also on the way in preparation for the upcoming release of 'Pacific Fighters', I am pretty much riding the just-sub-extravagant level of current computer hardware. Enough parts have been upgraded that I can build my son a PC of his own that would have been pretty much top-notch 18 months ago, and thus continues to remain pretty powerful even with the latest games.

Back From Vacation

Five weeks, mostly in England, and mostly without a computer. I barely missed it. I love getting such proof that my interests and obsessions can be completely switched off and rearranged. Should civilization collapse, I will survive in the ruins without too much difficulty!

Let's Bash Those Yucky Gays Again!

Few things make me madder than the despicable prejudice and hatred thrown at gay folk by straights, of whatever ilk. And now we have Bush revoltingly churning up the bile by his ever-so-euphemistic gay marriage prohibition amendment. Let's get real here - the issue isn't marriage - it's outright disgust at gays because they prefer to get involved with the genitals of someone just like them. Because marriage has always been the 'official' license to screw, the bigots are frothing at the mouth at legitimizing those acts they so paranoidly fear. Meanwhile, people dear to me are raising children in a legal environment that is profoundly anti-family because they cannot ring those wedding bells. Now that is plain injustice.

Patch Frenzy

Always astonishes me! Here we have, at most, a subtle change in the game and people are slavering to get their hands on the update as if it were manna from heaven. And this has been true with every update from the IL-2 demo onwards. Obviously, it's exciting to see improvements in your favorite game, but such obsession! It baffles me.

Something To Say?

Not really. I'm just sitting here while making some CD copies, listening in as my son watches a 'Dr. Who' in the next door room. It's a remarkably uneventful evening really, but entirely typical. Very enjoyable. I love these periods of almost meditative serenity. They don't need to carved into a schedule - they are very much part of my daily life, at home or at work. How could I have got to be so lucky? I look around at the whirlwind lives that so many here seem to live, and I can hardly believe it. Do we really all live on the same planet? Sometimes I wonder whether I would feel the same if transplanted to a truly slower culture, a Mongolian farm, a Mediterranean island, a Central African village for example. Would I then become the speed freak? No - I would fit right in without a second thought!

A Candlelit Bath

One of the beneficial side-effects of two days without electric power earlier this week was the rediscovery of the gorgeously subtle light of the candle. So I filled up the bath tonight, lit three white candles, and lay back in that flickering yellow balm. It was most satisfying, and my thoughts roamed hither and thither. Not settling on anything substantial, but then there was no need for substance. A series of purely ephemeral moments, and very soothing.

I love baths. They are slow and deliberate. No rush. They take control of time and wrest it away from the insistent hurly-burly of clocks and schedules. Almost an altered state, but one of tranquility and resonance with life.

A Bowl Of Soup

It's been a rather dreary, sleepy sort of day, not helped by the wretched heat of a St. Louis summer or by an excess of alcohol at a very enjoyable Scrabble party last night. So I thought I would have a bowl of soup. Clam chowder. It was very good!